Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
