No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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