what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
