Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
