Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
