I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
