I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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