im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
