Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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