Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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