hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
