she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
