I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
