He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
