I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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