WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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