whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
