Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
