I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
