I hate your face
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
