Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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