Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
