i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
