I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
