I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
