the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
