remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
