i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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