Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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