5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
