Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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