The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
