he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
