he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
