i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
