ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
