You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
