carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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