Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
