We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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