Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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