my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
