can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is wine microwaveable?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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