I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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