I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
