Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
