I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
