so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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