I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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