You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
