I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
