happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
