Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
