and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
