she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
