watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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