I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
