Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
