You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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