how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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